I know no one reads this but~

I find it more entertaining, etc. to post on tumblr so all literature, etc. will now be posted on my tumblr account :)

http://friedgravy.tumblr.com/

There it is if you wants it =D

Poem - Dear Sweet Pretty Boy

September 17, 2008
Dear Sweet Pretty Boy,

I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Pretty Boy,
My sweet, dear baby I had cradled so,
Down on my knees I begged and plead,
Prayed to all who would bother to listen,
But in the end you were taken.

I'm sorry I failed you, Pretty Boy,
My cocky, obnoxious child I cared for,
Pushed to the ground and kicked in the side,
No one could tear away my anguish,
Once you were gone.

I'm sorry I let you go, Pretty Boy,
My cuddly, playful angel bestowed to me,
Torn and trampled my heart became so quickly,
Shattering to pieces before my very eyes,
When you weren't coming home.

I'm sorry I didn't try harder, Pretty Boy,
My beautiful, little boy I held so close,
Tears fell like raging rivers flowing down my cheeks and neck,
Trickling down my chest with my eyes shut tight,
Because I lost you forever.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep you, Pretty Boy,
My moodswinging, fluffy fuzzball I pampered day by day,
Body trembling at the thought of someone else taking care of you,
No one could ever know you as well as I,
For who else would know you better than your mother?

I'm sorry I didn't say I love you quite enough, Pretty Boy,
My long gone, naive kitten who thought you would be home again,
With my last "Good bye" I wanted to cry and you just wanted to play,
Never did you understand, young one, what was going on,
Once you left that house you were never come home.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. I still love you.

Story - Not to Him

September 21, 2008
She stood before the mess, her heart worn on her sleeve. Tears streamed like tiny rivers down her cheeks and the puddle began to expand beneath her feet. A puddle of tears, a pond of broken dreams, a lake of false promises, an ocean of sorrow keeping the rest of the world away. Everything ached, nothing was right. Her head pounded, her eyes worn out, her stomach churning, her knees falling, lips cut from biting them and quivering from crying, her arms red from scratching at them to remind herself this is reality and not a sick, twisted dream, nose sore from sniffling, feet blistered from running, fingers bleeding from scratching at his closed door. The water grew as she cried, the sun gone once she closed her eyes, the leaves fell once she hit the ground, the flowers wilting as she wailed in the forgotten meadow. The forgotten meadow practically covered by her ocean of tears, drowning any life that could have possibly been there.

"Daddy!" the fallen child screamed, her palms pressed hard against her eyes to stop her tears. "Don't I mean anything to you?! Don't you...." she began to choke up. Her throat was aching, eyes burning, and her body trembling. "Love me anymore?" her voice cracked. "Or is she all that matters now?!"

The calm ocean water turned into rapid waves all around her. Tossing her around and throwing her aside. A whirlpool began to form that the child just ignored, allowing her body to be engulfed by the raging water swirling about her. She knew what the reply was, it was all too clear. Her body felt empty now as if this answer had sucked the very life out of her. Nothing mattered because she didn't matter; not to him.

Poem - What if He is...

October 9, 2008
Promise after promise,
I love yous and I swears,
So many I will never leave yous,
And cannot bear to stand without you theres.

I do recall the intense love,
But only when I was by his side,
Only when I was in arms reach,
Never when I wasn't there.

Home alone I sat by my phone awaiting a promise never to be fulfilled,
Another week rolls on by and it is like he never existed,
Let's add in a month or two as I keep on waiting,
All right,
Oh well,
It's done! I'm through,
I'm tired of waiting on you.

Promise after promise,
I love yous and I swears,
So many I will never leave yous,
And cannot bear to stand without you theres.

I do recall the swelled up tears,
As I waited for him eagerly,
Only to wait forever for nothing,
While my tears soaked my pillow.

He told me I was the reason he tried so hard to keep on living,
My smile and my gorgeous eyes brought all the joy in the world,
That my tears tore apart his soul,
What a lie,
Never again,
It's done! I'm through,
I'm tired of waiting on you.

Promise after promise,
I love yous and I swears,
So many I will never leave yous,
And cannot bear to stand without you theres.

I do recall the inevitable anxiety,
Waiting to see him,
But this year I never will,
I bid farewell, a doo.

No more sorrowful weekends waiting for his call,
If I am not wanted then nor is he! I will forget him completely,
Erase all of our memories,
I can't,
Too bad,
It's done! I'm through,
I'm not going to wait on you.

Promise after promise,
I love yous and I swears,
So many I will never leave yous,
And cannot bear to stand without you theres.

I do recall my simple wishing,
Maybe you would change your mind,
Give me a call,
But it is pointless to hope for such nonsense.

Now I have a sweet boy to care for me and hold me when I cry,
His unintentional habits I just cannot ignore,
Promise after promise of calls only to receive none,
Could he be?
Never,
No way! He can't be,
But what if he's... just like you?

Story - Hood Down

August 28, 2008
Each day she wore that coat, such an ugly and tattered thing. That little girl without a care for the world wore it each day along with a fake smile, a mask. Occasionally she wore it around her waist but if there was a problem near by she would quickly through her coat on and tell the world good bye. Up the zipper would go as she crouched onto the cold concrete in the playground of her school. Her tiny body fit perfectly into the hideous cloth with brown sleeves, navy blue middle, and a plaid inside. With the hood tucked above her head so flat it appeared she had none as she curled into her ball and closed her eyes. A darkened fantasy world was better than what lay outside. No coat meant no stability and that she would have to accept her old life had died. The perfect home with happy parents in a nice neighborhood would be gone; her dad would be gone.

Each and every day she tucked down to the ground then at night would pray for all to be well again. Soon the prayers turned to tears, the tears to silent sobbing, the silent sobs into silence, and the silence to the fake smile she would show the world for years to come worn with the horrid coat. Big, blue eyes staring in awe at the happiness about her that she could never understand. The emotion was something she had felt before she left her old life, now she could barely remember it. She began to wonder if it was just the smile that made it a gay moment. If she smiled would everyone assume she was happy? So day by day she smiled and day by day the people around her thought she was a cheerful child.

Soon enough the coat became too small to cover her entire body. Once she reached her adolescence it would only fit about her torso thus the coat was hung up in the closet along with the rest of the clothes she no longer wore. Even with it lingering in her closet somehow the coat still had an effect. Whenever a problem arose the girl would find a corner, pull the hood of her sweatshirt over her head, and curl into a ball just as she had done in the dreadful coat. A smile would spread across her face with hot tears trickling down her cheeks. When a worried friend would ask if she was all right the girl would just shake her head and say "I'm fine".

Sadly, for her, her mother threw the coat away along with the security it had brought her. For the years of her childhood she had used it for protection and in her preteen years she had subconsciously worn it without realizing it. Even as a teenager that smile stayed firm, the hideous coat pulled tightly over her head. Never did she take it off for the one time when she pulled the zipper down her heart was trampled upon. Quickly she zipped it back up then curled into her protective ball.

Yet she never expected to meet someone later in life who she would honestly say would never leave her. The little girl only thought people disappeared. No matter what paranoia came to her mind, what pessimistic thought arose she continued to believe that her friend would stay by her side. Even with such a fact she could not get herself to open up. She would place her heart on a silver platter with purple flowers that smelled of vanilla to ensure that her friend would keep it close but she was too afraid to hand her such a plate.

Each night she thought of a way to tell her friend that she would be all right and that someday she would tell her everything she could remember. A perfect speech would be prepared in her head only to stay there and linger. How she wanted to tell her, "Don't ever leave me again..." but she feared it would be too guilting. So finally she thought of this story.

"Do you remember that ugly coat I wore all those years ago?" she would begin. "How randomly I would crouch on the ground and pull it over me... sometimes babble about being a banana? I... wore that hideous rag for a reason. When something went wrong, I'd quickly hide inside of it and pretend the world didn't exist. I would pretend everything okay, nothing mattered anymore. I was safe inside of my coat and nothing could ever break me again but my coat got too small and you know my mom threw it away. Subconsciously... it's still there, really it is. Inside I'm just a crying child buried underneath a thick, heavy, horrid looking coat waiting for the world to change. I'm too afraid to take it off, I'm too afraid to try..." Then she would paused, probably choking and trying to tell herself that it would all be all right. "But... someday... I want to take the coat off for you... because you are the only friend I ever honestly thought would always be there for me. I.. I can't take it all off just now, not yet. I'm not ready to face the real world on my own... but here I stand before you. Here I stand before you with my hood down. For you and only you." Then she would hug her friend, a very rare occasion. Sadly she had a paranoia of embracing people close to her, fearing they would leave. She was determined to fight it if it meant she could finally be herself and allow her friend to get close. It was time for her to put the smile away. "And I hope... someday... I can take off this coat for you."

Poem - Love Bites

June 27, 2008



My fingers barely out of reach,
Oh, how my heart does ache,
Rarely do I ever have them to keep,
Every lover or meaningless crush slowly fade,
Tomorrow I will try to forget,
Heaven knows how I regret,
Always lingering love affair dreams.

Never will amore's reeping cease,
Anonimously creeping beneath shade,
Failing to push me to speek,
Eating at my soul when I am awake,
Embodying my fantasies when I rest,
Letting my feelings out and yet,
In the real world love follows far behind me.

Not one romantic ord will slep my lips and reveal,
Growing fears of lovers that never can stay.

Story - The Golem's Attack

July 2, 2008
A trap a mortal could fall into with ease; a trick only pulled by the most horrid people... that was what the Angel was stuck in. She could feel her world suddenly shut down as she stared up at the ceiling in shock and fear. Nothing she had tried prevented her fate that the Golem bestowed upon her with an attempt to snatch up the young Angel's purity. If it was anybody but him she would have fought vigorously and won with ease but paranoia crept up her spine then lingered on. This wasn't the first time the Golem had attempted such a feat but it was inevitably the first time he succeeded. Before her stubborn nature took hold of her yet that night was different as she laid sprawled on his bed of leaves somewhere out in his forest. Her lip was quivering while he carefully tugged down at her clothes, peeling them off like simple peels on a fruit. Occasionally he would have her lift up to make his life easier, she did so out of fear.

The Angel had no idea what the fear was. Was it a fear of being alone? That he would hurt her? With how horrid her life was turning it was bound to be anything at this point. How sad it was that she turned to a Golem for help, for love. If she had foreseen the circumstances before she ever dared to enter his realm she would have inevitably turned her back to him and leave. Sadly.. she didn't.

Suddenly he was in between her legs, sending tingly feelings through her body and causing goosebumps to sprout. She lifted her head to look at him only to quickly lay back down, the sight was unbearable. The ceiling was her new companion who just stared down at her and watched as her mind shut off. Everything was blurry yet she could feel anything her body felt. All that was gone was her emotions. It was better not to have them than alert the other creatures nearby what was going on. Being a woman she would be the one viewed as a whore, slut, whatever word they pleased to use. It would never dawn on them that it was possible that the Golem was a pig. That she didn't want anything happening to her but no matter how many times she told him no and said she must wait until marriage, her she was. Just laying there like a lifeless puppet he could control with ease. That's all she was these days... a lifeless puppet.

Her fingers curled, clutching onto the sheets as his slimey tongue entered her. The erotic feelings... she can't recall. Maybe she enjoyed it a bit but her emotions were gone. All she could think was how disappointed God would be in her or her mother's stunned face. Thoughts raced through her head then disappeared as she finally shut off. The Golem's tongue was wiggling about and licking up any traces of what he was going but that was all she felt. Something slimey stealing away any purity she had left.

Then there was a noise, someone was nearby. The leaves were cracking and crunching from a few feet away. The Angel jumped up, quickly pulling back on all of her linens fearing the person would see what was going on and tells her parents who would only be ashamed of her. With that motion the Golem just laughed at her. He found it hysterical how fast she could put on her clothes compared to how long it took him to take them off. With a fake smile she chuckled a bit to pretend everything was all right. Everything happened for a reason right?



Barely even a month later it happened again but in a different realm. In the Angel's own mortal bedroom he repeated what he had down before on her sheets instead. Once again her mind shut off but this time it was different. The Golem wanted more than before, more than just pleasing the Angel. Couldn't he benefit as well? With his reasoning he tried to convince her into the exchange but she refused. He asked about twenty-two times before her finally gave up yet his body kept persisting, thrusting his body towards her face only for her to pull up or turn away. This was infuriating him but he knew if he alarmed her that she would cry out and someone was bound to hear or she could possibly leave completely. He had to play it right.

The thrusting continued and so did the rejection. With that instead of leaving the Angel alone he undid her bottoms once again and tugged them down, trying to force himself upon her. She continued to kiss him but she refused to have any form of intercourse as she pulled away only to hit a wall. Carefully she dodged him by hitting her back and wings continuously on the wall or pulled herself down so nothing else would go inside of her. His tongue was hard enough for her to handle, she didn't want another reason to be ashamed of herself.

The same actions persisted throughout the night only for the Angel to become devastated and the Golem to fail. Luckily for the Angel her mother returned home which caused the Golem to quickly jump away, fearing her mother's reaction. With this as a break she put on another fake smile and acted as if everything was okay for weeks. He loved her, it was fine to be treated this way. This was her first real boyfriend, as the mortals liked to call it, and she just assumed all relationships were meant to be this way despite her companions telling her how horrible he was without even knowing what he did to her.



Within weeks he deserted the Angel, leaving her to dwell in her own misery. Now she was a sin, a whore, alone, and all around ashamed. Nothing was all right, everything was damned. Her soul, her being... Even without intercourse she could feel her purity evaporating into air only to leave her in darkness left to consume her with questions of why and what. Why did he leave her? Why did he do all of those things? What was wrong with her? Only to hear no reply. Desperately she cried to those around her only to receive no reply.

The Puppy stared at her in confusion, not being able to comprehend her situation.

The Devil turned his head and occasionally helped but was torn because it was his brother who left her.

The Harpy... wasn't a companion then.

The Gypsie hadn't a clue but desperately she tried to make the Angel smile only to watch her fall to her knees, pleading for everything to be okay. Nothing could possibly be okay in her world without him by her side despite what he did.

The Kelpie disappeared without a trace, not willing to help the Angel in her depression.

The Soul left her with a love confession then passed on.

Her Baby was long gone before the events ever occured.

The Nun was blind to the situation, only knowing that the Angel was crying and alone.

God could never be spoken to of the situation.

Her Putto was too pure to ever be told.

The Flower Fairy was only there to be clung to, never spoken to.

The Medusa wasn't close with the Angel at this time.

Then one day the Angel asked her Elven Prince a twisted question to see what his answer would be. Was she really a whore or was what happened something more? So she sat before him and let out a long sigh before finally open her mouth to speak. "Is... oral intercourse... rape? Can it be? I mean.. if you don't want it..."

At first his reply was no but then suddenly he thought about it and she explained her reasoning. She could trust the Elven Prince with her secret, how much she felt like a whore but it took her half a year to even tell one person. Just one person took her six months to even confess to her real tears meanwhile the Golem was teasing her, tempting her with false promises while the Elven Prince contemplated the situation.

His conclusion ended with the Angel was raped and that she could never possibly be a whore. That was out of her nature, clearly it was him being too pushy yet she continued to feel as if she was the worst person in the world. She didn't feel worthy of anyone around her and each time they left claiming they couldn't handle her depression all she did was gain a new reason to cry. They didn't know the secret her Elven Prince had learned so recently. Easily the Angel accepted as each one of er friends disappeared.

In the end all she had left was her Elven Prince and a Flower Fairy she clung to. The Puppy, the Kelpie, and their followers had turned their heads. The Nun was standing beside the Gypsie and Kelpie with their backs turned to the beaten Angel. Everything was falling apart around her as she quickly fell into the depths of her dark soul, something an Angel should never behold.

Within another year she had told a couple of people she knew what happened and suddenly they wanted to be her best friend again. How pathetic that it took such a reason to want to help, not just wanting to aid her without knowing what was wrong but it didn't matter. Someone was finally there.

Gradually the Angel pushed herself to confess what had happened to God, her father. Within a day while visiting heaven she already explained without elaborating. Never once did she go into detail. Each word she spoke was distant and cold just like her broken soul. Within seconds he pitied and accepted her, as any father would. He told her to tell her mother and possibly the mistress but she cringed at the thought of confiding into the mistress. How she hated the thought. What a horrid person to have console. Soon enough she was forced to tell her mother and the helpful sessions began. The majority of them were pointless as she spoke to the shaman because the Angel already researched all she could. She knew the disorder she gained, everything. Once the sessions grew too expensive the Angel quickly departed, lying to everyone that she was cured in hopes her mother wouldn't dare waste another cent on her.

Within another year God turned his back on her, claiming nothing had ever happen to her. The Golem never forced himelf upon her... all of it was a lie. It was the last stab at the Angel's heart before she finally broke. Everything about her world shattered as she shut herself down. Each smile since then was fake, something she naturally pushed out of herself so others wouldn't worry as she cried herself to sleep at night. All of it was gone. Nothing mattered anymmore. With each passing day she broke more and more until she pushed everyone away. She didn't matter, that was inevitable. Everyone else was more important than she could ever be as she sat in her corner sobbing. Without God's approval... no one else mattered. Even if the whole world told her it was okay and that her father was being a moron, she wouldn't give in. Her hero, her inspiration... didn't believe her.

Sadly... the issues that lingered were what caused her end. Through her sorrow she fell deeper into the darkness until she finally hit the ground, her wings breaking off. She laid there, staring up into nothing as her blood flowed about her. Yet through all of her pain, all of her sorrow... the now fallen Angel smiled, chuckling even. She lifted her right palm towards the sky, tears streaming down her childlike face. The attacks were becoming severe and now the girl was terrified of the world and herself yet she couldn't let herself open up. She continued to laugh, her chest throbbing.

"At least... everyone else is smiling..."

The sobbing wore out her body with time causing her to finally fall asleep, the smile disappearing. Before her nightmares finally consumed her for the night she mumbled something softly, a puddle of tears becoming her pillow.

"Daddy... why don't you believe me?"